Emotional Eating
Before We Begin
If you've spent years trying to understand why the weight keeps returning...
You're probably hoping there's one answer.
One missing piece.
One thing that's been causing all of this.
That was certainly what I hoped.
But what I eventually discovered was something very different.
A weight regain pattern isn't usually created by one thing.
It's formed over time by lots of different experiences, beliefs, habits and responses gradually working together.
Some you'll already be aware of.
Others may never have crossed your mind before.
Over the next few pages, we're going to gently explore some of the most common contributors to that pattern.
Not because every one of them will apply to everyone...
But because each one has the potential to become another piece of the picture.
And every new piece you understand brings you one step closer to understanding your own journey.
Let's begin with one of the most common reasons women find themselves caught in the cycle...
Emotional eating.
When Food Becomes More Than Food
If you've ever stood in the kitchen staring into the fridge, not because you were hungry, but because you felt like something was missing, then you're not alone.
If you've ever wandered into the kitchen without even thinking about it, opened cupboards then closed them again, only to find yourself back there a few minutes later, then you're not alone.
If you've ever promised yourself all day that tonight would be different, only to find yourself reaching for the biscuits, ordering a takeaway, picking at food while cooking, or eating things you never intended to eat, you're not alone.
If you've ever found yourself eating because you'd had a stressful day, because you felt overwhelmed, lonely, anxious, exhausted or frustrated... or simply because, for a few moments, food felt like the only thing that might make you feel better, you're not alone.
If you've ever told yourself,
"I've been good all day, so I deserve this..."
"I'll start again tomorrow..."
or,
"Just this once..."
...you're not alone.
If you've ever found yourself eating in secret, finishing everyone else's leftovers, picking while making dinner, or eating long after you were physically full, you're not alone.
If you've ever wondered why you seem perfectly capable of making healthy choices one day, yet feel completely out of control the next, you're not alone.
If you've ever felt like one part of you desperately wanted to lose weight, while another part kept pulling you towards food, you're not alone.
If you've ever sat there afterwards asking yourself,
"Why did I do that?"
"I wasn't even hungry."
"What's wrong with me?"
"Why can't I just stop?"
...you're certainly not alone.
Perhaps you've even started believing the problem is you.
That you lack willpower.
That you have no self-control.
That you're simply an emotional eater.
But as we discovered on the previous page, perhaps this isn't another reason to blame yourself.
Perhaps it's another reason to understand yourself.
Because emotional eating is one of the most common reasons women find themselves trapped in the cycle of losing weight... then gradually finding it returning again.
And before we can begin to change that pattern, we first need to understand it.
I Thought It Was Just Me
For years, I genuinely believed I was simply an emotional eater.
I thought I just loved food more than other people.
I thought I lacked willpower.
I thought I needed more discipline.
I never stopped to ask myself how my relationship with food had developed in the first place.
Looking back now, I can see it started much earlier than I ever realised.
During some incredibly difficult times in my childhood, food became a place of safety.
It soothed emotions that, as a little girl, I didn't know how to cope with any other way.
Of course, I didn't understand that at the time.
I wasn't consciously using food as a coping mechanism.
I was simply doing what helped me get through difficult moments.
But as I grew older, something quietly changed.
I don't think it happened overnight, and I certainly didn't notice it happening at the time.
Looking back now, I can see that what started as eating to soothe deep emotional pain slowly became my default response to life.
At first, I reached for food when I felt upset.
Then when I felt stressed.
Or lonely.
Or tired.
Then somewhere along the way, it wasn't just about difficult emotions anymore.
I found myself reaching for food when I was celebrating.
When I was bored.
When I wanted a distraction.
Even the smallest inconvenience could have me thinking,
"I'll just have a biscuit. It'll make me feel a bit better."
The strange thing was, I rarely stopped at one.
I'd reach for a biscuit and, before my brain had even caught up with what I was doing, I'd eaten five.
It wasn't a conscious decision.
I wasn't standing there thinking,
"I'm going to overeat."
By the time I realised what had happened, it had already happened.
Then I'd beat myself up.
Promise myself tomorrow would be different.
And wonder why I kept doing it.
The more I reflect on that time in my life, the more I realise food had stopped being something I turned to only when I was emotional.
It had quietly become my response to almost everything.
Good day?
Food.
Bad day?
Food.
Feeling tired?
Food.
Feeling stressed?
Food.
Fancy a treat?
Food.
Something annoyed me?
Food.
It wasn't every single time, but it happened often enough that I barely questioned it anymore.
It had become almost automatic.
The hardest part was that, at that point in my life, I wasn't happy.
I was deeply unhappy with myself, and if I'm honest, I wasn't particularly happy with my life either.
So if food had quietly become my response to so many different feelings, and I was carrying those feelings around with me most days, it meant I was eating far more often than I ever realised.
At the time, I genuinely believed I just loved food.
I had no idea there was so much more going on beneath the surface.
And because I didn't understand any of that, every time I turned to food, I blamed myself instead.
Why Emotional Eating Contributes to Weight Regain
One of the biggest reasons emotional eating contributes to weight regain is because life doesn't stop happening once you've lost weight.
There will still be stressful days.
Arguments.
Disappointment.
Exhaustion.
Loneliness.
Celebrations.
Boredom.
Life doesn't suddenly become easier because you've reached a certain number on the scales.
The challenge isn't that these moments happen.
The challenge is that many of us have never been taught what to do when they do.
Most weight loss plans teach us how to lose weight.
They teach us what to eat.
How much to eat.
How to create a calorie deficit.
How to make healthier choices.
Many of them are incredibly effective at helping women reduce their body weight.
But very few help us understand what happens when life becomes overwhelming again.
What happens when we're grieving.
When work is relentless.
When the children need us.
When our relationship is struggling.
When we're emotionally exhausted.
Or when we're simply trying to hold everything together.
Because if food has gradually become one of the ways your brain responds to those moments, it's understandable that you'll feel pulled back towards it when life becomes difficult again.
Not because you've failed.
Not because you don't want it enough.
And not because the weight loss plan didn't work.
But because the situations that led you to seek comfort, relief or distraction through food haven't disappeared.
So whilst you've changed your eating, the moments that have you reaching for food are still part of everyday life.
And if nobody has ever helped you understand that connection, it's easy to see why so many women find themselves losing weight... only to gradually find it returning again.
Not because they couldn't lose weight.
But because they were never helped to understand one of the reasons it came back.
Why You've Struggled
For years, I believed emotional eating was my problem.
I thought if I could just stop eating emotionally, everything else would fall into place.
So I blamed myself every time it happened.
I promised myself I'd try harder.
Be stronger.
Have more willpower.
But looking back now, I don't think emotional eating was the problem at all.
I think it was the solution.
Not a healthy solution.
Not a solution I wanted to rely on.
But a solution nonetheless.
Because every time life felt overwhelming...
Every time I felt hurt...
Lonely...
Stressed...
Anxious...
Or emotionally exhausted...
My brain already knew something that brought a temporary sense of comfort, relief or escape.
That something was food.
When I started seeing emotional eating this way, something shifted.
I realised I hadn't spent years fighting the problem.
I'd spent years fighting the solution my brain had created to help me cope.
And that's why I struggled for so long.
Because every weight loss attempt focused on taking food away...
Whilst very few people ever helped me understand why I needed it in the first place.
You see, if we only focus on stopping emotional eating, without understanding what emotional eating is trying to do for us, we're removing the solution before we've understood the need.
It's a bit like taking someone's painkillers away without asking where the pain is coming from.
The pain is still there.
So it's only natural that we'll keep searching for something to ease it.
That doesn't mean food is the answer.
But it does mean there's a reason your brain has been turning towards it.
And perhaps that's the understanding you've been missing all along.
What This Understanding Changed For Me
That one understanding changed everything.
Not because I suddenly stopped emotionally eating overnight.
I didn't.
Not because life suddenly became easier.
It didn't.
And not because I'd finally found the perfect weight loss plan.
I hadn't.
What changed was the way I saw myself.
For the first time in my life, I stopped seeing myself as weak.
I stopped believing I had no willpower.
I stopped thinking I was broken.
Instead of asking,
"What's wrong with me?"
I found myself asking,
"What is my brain trying to help me with right now?
That one question changed my curiosity.
It changed my compassion.
And it changed the direction I started searching in.
Because I realised I didn't need to spend the rest of my life fighting food.
I needed to understand why food had become so important in the first place.
That didn't mean I stopped wanting to lose weight.
It meant I finally stopped believing weight loss was the only problem I needed to solve.
For years I'd been trying to take food out of the equation.
Now I started trying to understand what food had been helping me cope with.
That shift didn't solve everything overnight.
But it gave me something I'd never had before.
Understanding.
And with understanding came something else.
Hope.
Because if emotional eating wasn't proof that I was failing...
If it was a response my brain had learned over many years...
Then perhaps I wasn't beyond help after all.
Perhaps I wasn't the problem.
Perhaps I'd simply been trying to solve the wrong one.
Before We Continue...
Now that you have a new understanding of emotional eating, let's explore another common reason women find themselves caught in the cycle of losing weight... then gradually finding it returning again.
For many women, it can feel as though food is constantly on their mind.
Perhaps you've described yourself as obsessed with food.
Perhaps you've wondered if you're addicted to it.
Or perhaps you've simply found yourself thinking about food far more than you'd like.
For years, I believed there was something fundamentally wrong with me because I couldn't seem to switch those thoughts off.
What I came to understand next changed that belief completely.