The Core of Your Relationship with Food-

Healing your relationship with food is crucial in this process because it transforms food from a source of guilt and stress into nourishment. It improves mental well-being by reducing anxiety and depression, and it improves physical health by stabilising energy and improving biomarkers. Most importantly, it frees you from diet culture’s restrictions so you can find joy and balance through mindfulness and self-compassion.

But why do people develop an unhealthy relationship with food?

Ultimately, an unhealthy relationship with food often stems from a disconnect from our body’s natural hunger and fullness cues, replacing them with emotional responses or external rules.

This disconnect is commonly caused by:

* Emotional & Psychological Roots 

* Societal & Cultural Influences

* Childhood Experiences

* Biological Factors

* Trauma & Life Events

Women have a significantly higher prevalence of an unhealthy relationship with food compared to men, usually due to a combination of intense sociocultural pressures, psychological factors, and physiological differences. Women are more frequently subjected to societal ideals of thinness, which fuel dieting, guilt, and body dissatisfaction.

So, in order for you to achieve the level of emotional freedom required to lose weight long-term, it is essential that you heal your relationship with food.

But what is the core of your relationship with food?

The foundation of your relationship with food is built on the bonds and meanings you attach to it. These bonds shape how you relate to food and play a major role in the struggles you face around weight and eating. But contrary to popular belief, ’emotional eating’ and an ’emotional attachment to food’ are not the same thing, although they are deeply connected.

Emotional eating is a behavioural habit, whereas an emotional attachment to food is more linked to identity and meaning. They overlap because the emotional attachment often fuels emotional eating, and emotional eating reinforces the attachment. That’s why both must be addressed if you truly want to break free.

This does not mean severing your connection to food completely. Food is essential for life and can bring enjoyment. But it does mean weakening or reshaping the bond when it starts to negatively impact your physical and mental health.

The goal is to change your relationship with food — not eliminate emotion altogether.

To do this, you need to change what food *means* to you.

For some people, food represents safety, love, control, nostalgia, or reassurance. Some people feel that food was there for them when nothing else was. These bonds often form early in childhood or during periods of trauma.

For me personally, food meant different things. I grew up on a council estate in one of the most impoverished areas of my city, where food was scarce. When times were good, food was celebrated like a reward, but then it would disappear again. My bond with food became a survival mechanism — my brain and body prioritised obtaining and securing food constantly.

I also grew up in a home where arguments were volatile and frightening. During those times, we were often given “treats” to compensate for the tension. I used to lock myself in my room with the TV as loud as it would go to drown out the noise, eating the treats as I watched fantasy films to escape my reality. This became a psychological response to trauma. That pattern continued into adulthood, as I spent seventeen years in a toxic relationship and experienced the trauma of an assault. Solitude, food, and TV became my escape and self-soothing method. For me, food meant distraction and safety.

I can’t tell you what food means to you specifically — but I can tell you this: food holds meaning beyond mere survival. It should mean nourishment, connection, culture, and well-being.

Yes, it should be seen as essential fuel for your body, but it should also bring you joy. It should connect you to traditions and loved ones, and influence your mood and mental health in a positive way.

I am fortunate to have a daughter who is a chef and baker. From an early age, she showed immense talent and would cook amazing food. I would always deny myself even a small bite, telling her I couldn’t indulge because I was “on a diet” and needed to be “good.” Her little face would look wounded, because she was excited to share her food with love and wanted my opinion. But I had no self-control and an unhealthy relationship with food, so I would refuse.

Now, I have a beautiful relationship with food. I love eating, cooking, and being cooked for, and my daughter loves to cook for her family. That change happened because I changed what food meant to me and developed a healthier relationship with it.

Changing what food means to you is less about willpower and more about rewiring emotional associations over time. It’s a psychological shift, not a rule-based one.

And here’s the key connection: emotional eating is often the behavioural symptom of a deeper emotional attachment to food. So, to truly heal, you must address both.

Here’s how you begin to rewire that meaning:

1. Stop trying to “take food away”-

If food has meant comfort, safety, or relief, your brain sees it as protective. Trying to strip it of that role too quickly can create anxiety and rebellion. And trust me, your brain will behave like a petulant child — the moment you say “no,” it throws a tantrum and wants it more.

Reframing works better than removal.
Remind yourself that food can still be enjoyable and comforting — it just doesn’t need to be your only comfort. When it becomes your only comfort, it can lead to physical and mental consequences that are harmful to you.

2. Identify the job food is doing for you-

Ask yourself gently, not judgmentally:

What does food give me in hard moments?

* relief?
* distraction?
* a pause?
* warmth?
* control?
* a feeling of being cared for?

Food doesn’t become meaningful randomly — it fills a gap. Once you identify the job it’s doing (aside from nourishment), you can find a healthier alternative.

3. Build parallel comfort, not replacement-

Instead of thinking, “Don’t eat when emotional,” aim for:

Food is one option — but not the only option.”**

Examples of parallel comforts:

* Physical: warm shower, stretching, weighted blanket

* Emotional: journaling, voice notes, crying (it’s cathartic), music

* Relational: texting someone safe, sitting near others, meeting friends

* Nervous system: slow breathing, walking, grounding, listening to audios

At first, use them alongside food, not instead of it. This tells your brain:  “I have more than one way to feel okay.”

Over time, the meaning of food begins to shift, and the bond starts to loosen.

4. Let the attachment soften naturally-

Your nervous system needs to learn:

* I can feel distress and survive. 

* I can be comforted without immediately eating.

* Food will still be there.

* Food doesn’t need to be an urgent solution.

These changes take time, so be patient and consistently reinforce these beliefs until they become your truth.

And remember: you are not “too attached” to food to change. You are simply adapted to it — and you can readapt with practice.

5. Leverage neuroplasticity to reshape your food bonds-

Your attachment to food isn’t fixed — it’s a learned neural pattern formed through repetition, emotion, and relief. If neuroplasticity built this pattern, it can also reshape it. 

One powerful practice is this-

Morning Neuroplasticity Exercise. 

1- Brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand.
This creates novelty and wakes up your brain.

2- Look in the mirror and repeat 5 times:
“I choose food that nourishes my body and supports my wellbeing.”

3- Take five slow, exaggerated breaths.

Finish with one simple intention for the day, such as:
“Today I will eat with kindness and awareness.”

This simple routine helps retrain your brain by creating new neural pathways through novelty, repetition, and calm focus. Brushing with your non-dominant hand creates a “new experience” that makes your brain more receptive to change. The affirmation strengthens a healthier belief about food, and the deep breathing lowers stress and helps your nervous system accept the new message. Over time, this rewires emotional associations with food, replacing old patterns of guilt or emotional reliance with a calmer, more balanced relationship.

6- Ending the food shame cycle-

Diet culture has completely warped people’s perception of food by demonising certain food groups in the name of “health.”

Instead of supporting wellbeing, this approach creates negative associations with food and fuels guilt, shame, and restriction. It’s no surprise that this mindset is most common in serial dieters — people who constantly feel the need to “earn” their food or punish themselves when they don’t.

Interestingly, this language and behaviour is rarely prevalent among people who maintain a healthy weight. They tend to view food as fuel for survival, not a moral test. This is a key difference: when food isn’t tied to your identity, it stops controlling you.

Nutrition isn’t a moral issue. Some foods have nutritional value and some don’t — but that does not make them “good” or “bad.”

The real truth is that the foods themselves are never bad; it is the frequency, quantity, and context in which they are consumed that determines whether they support your body or harm it.

For example, one regular bar of chocolate a day will not cause weight gain if it is included within a balanced diet of nutritious meals. In fact, allowing yourself a small treat can reduce feelings of deprivation and help you stay consistent with your goals.
However, one large bar of chocolate a day on top of high-calorie meals and frequent low-nutrient snacks can lead to weight gain. This does not make the chocolate “bad” — it simply means the overall intake and pattern were not supportive of your goals.

There is no one-size-fits-all diet that suits everyone, and we all have days that are healthier than others. What matters is that you positively feed your body and your mind, and sometimes that means allowing yourself the freedom to include occasional treat foods without guilt.

It’s also important to understand that food is neutral— it only becomes emotionally charged when we attach meaning to it. When you label foods as “good” or “bad,” you’re not just making a nutrition decision — you’re assigning moral value. This creates a cycle where you feel proud for eating “good” foods and guilty for eating “bad” foods. This emotional rollercoaster is what keeps diet culture alive and prevents long-term success.

Instead, when you adopt the mindset that ‘all foods can fit’, you remove the emotional power from food and regain control. This doesn’t mean you eat whatever you want whenever you want — it means you can enjoy food without guilt, while still choosing what supports your health most of the time.

As the saying goes, “a little bit of what you fancy does you good.”

In my own weight-loss journey, I followed an 80/20 balance — 80% for my body and 20% for my mind — and this was a key factor in staying consistent and preventing burnout.

Conclusion-

Your relationship with food is not broken — it has simply been shaped by your past experiences and the emotional meaning you’ve attached to it. Healing your relationship with food is not about restriction, willpower, or being “good.” It’s about understanding why food became meaningful in the first place, and then gently rewiring those associations over time.

When you change what food means to you, you create freedom. You reclaim your identity, your choices, and your emotional well-being. You stop using food as a solution for pain and start using it as nourishment, pleasure, and connection — without the emotional burden.

And that is true healing.

Below is an optional tool that can help you to rewire your mind to choose the right foods, for the right reasons, which can help you to heal your relationship with food.