Some of you are not going to like me for this one, and I know this because when I first was faced with this step I went into automatic defensive mode, but I’m going to need you to trust me when I tell you that you categorically cannot take back control of your eating habits if you do not take responsibility first for your choices and actions- so stay with me on this, because by then end of this step you’ll get it, I promise!

There are many reasons why people shunt responsibility for their actions and choices, mainly out of fear and the desire to protect their ego. 

This is because admitting fault can trigger uncomfortable emotions like shame, guilt, and anxiety, which as human beings we instinctively try to avoid. But the issue with this is that all of the time you are shunting personal accountability you are deeming yourself powerless to change, and change is the goal here.

But I do get it. Having to accept that you may be part of that problem can be a bitter pill to swallow and so relinquishing personal power feels easier than accepting the truth. 

I remember a friend once telling me that what I was not changing I was choosing, and I remember feeling enraged at this statement. 

I hadn’t chosen the trauma and situations that I had endured in my life that led to my mental health struggles. I hadn’t chosen to come from extreme poverty where depression and deprivation where staples in life, and I certainly hadn’t chosen to have the health issues that I had. And so I chose to reject that belief completely.

It wasn’t until I began the process of transforming my beliefs system and rewiring my brain that I realised that whilst yes, I hadn’t chosen any of those things, I was choosing not to heal from them and grow from them. I was instead choosing to dwell on them, live in the pain of them and be defeated by them. 

And because of those choices I had gotten into the habit of passing the buck to others for the responsibility of my health and happiness. 

A perfect example of this was how I used to be to blame my ex-partner for my lack of success in lose weight. He worked a manual laborious job and cycled 10 miles a day,  as well as living an active life playing football each week. Because of this he was a healthy weight and had a big healthy appetite.

Each evening, he would come home from work and eat his evening meal and then go to the shop and buy snacks to eat as he watched TV. He would also have takeaways every weekend too (at this point I’d like to add that I said he was a healthy weight, not that he was healthy lol). 

And I would match his eating patterns too. Dinner, snacks with a film and regular takeaways, however although he never gained weight from his eating habits, I was reclusive due to my depression and very sedentary do to my weight and so the weight piled on. 

But he never forced me to eat the same, I choose to but would blame him for my weight gain. I used to think that it was unfair that he didn’t stop eating this way, and would think to myself that if I was single I would definitely lose the weight as he was a bad influence. 

Turns out we did separate and I did end up single, and 2 years after our split I was still struggling to manage my weight, still following the same habits and routines. Because it was my choice, just like it was only my responsibility to follow my own path to support my own goals. 

You need to understand that people will always have their own individual nutritional requirements, physical needs, personal commitments, habits, preferences and goals so will make their own choices based upon their own needs and you must learn to make your own personal choices to support your own goals, and take accountability when you choose not to.  That accountability will help you to tap back into your personal power because when you are accountable for your life and you accept that you’re making choices which sometimes sabotage your goals, health and happiness you are less inclined to continue making those choices, because when you’re no longer convincing yourself they are beyond your control you must accept that you’re just screwing yourself over, which is far less digestible. 

And you’ll find it enhances your resilience and strength and you become far more mindful of the choices that you make.

 You would go to the gym alone if your gym buddy cancels instead of sitting home pissed at them, because you know that it helps YOU.

You would refuse excessive takeaways if your partner ordered them because you know that it helps YOU. 

And you’d stop looking to others to blame for your bad choices because you will know it was YOU that chose it. But that also means you’ll be more aware of your choices moving forward as you had to deal with the consequences.                                             You must learn to accept that your decisions and your actions that have led you to this place, but now you can make new decisions and act differently to move from this place and finally achieve your goals. Because personal accountability is like a super power when it comes to changing your life.

Just remember this one thing- you didn’t choose to end up overweight and unhappy, but you do get to choose whether you stay that way, or whether you CHOOSE to take back control and change now.